Street Smarts

[XINDU]

Street Smarts

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Think about it… would you rather strike someone who’s expecting it and is mentally and physically prepared for a counter attack or someone completely unaware of a coming attack? Passive behavior escalates ego and drops guard… if you cannot verbally defuse the situation, you want to at least make your opponent overconfident and nail him from a natural and non-violent stance. This strategy also works well in a multiple attacker situation, catching the first guy by surprise will automatically reduce the numbers by one right off the bat. Not to mention causing a psychological delay in the rest of them (however this is not always true).

So bottom line, the more you know about the psycho dynamics of violence, the better you can handle a situation. Keep your ego under control…

[Mortal1]

I couldn't agree with you more.

[Scott R. Brown]

Great advice if all you are concerned with is winning and not ending up in jail or losing everything you own in civil court!!!

As a strategy it is one of the best for winning and staying safe, but in today’s litigious society the winner of the fight goes to jail and gets sued, especially if he is the one to strike first. So unfortunately the smartest strategy is the most foolish action.

Now a days the smartest thing is to lose the fight and then sue the a**hole!!

[XINDU]

Rather be judged by 12 than carried by six!

[Scott R. Brown]

The platitude “Judged by 12 rather than carried by 6” has limited context. It applies to life or death circumstances and who can argue with those conditions.

However, in simple physical altercations there is much more to lose. Here is a recent example:

A local acquaintance of mine who has been a pro MA fighter, now coaches NHB fighters (one of which was fighting on TV just last weekend) and owns 3 local schools, was just arrested 2 days ago for beating up a 19 year old in the parking lot of a Taco Bell. While I know nothing of the details yet I am sure he would rather not have 12 idiots chosen at random judging his case when the whole episode could have been avoided in the first place. Even if he gets off on the charges it is much easier to be held liable for civil damages than criminal charges. He stands to lose 10’s if not 100’s of thousands of dollars not to mention his reputation and his schools. And for what purpose? To prove it is smarter to throw the first punch? The pride gained from winning the altercation does not outweigh the risk to ones livelihood and the consequences will now be shared by his family and students!

The risks and consequences involved in fighting are greatly increased when you initiate the altercation by throwing the first punch regardless of the tactical efficiency of the action. You still need to convince the DA and the jury you were sufficiently scared and had no other means to defend yourself at your disposal such as running away or calling the police. Only those with nothing to lose financially, no social reputation to protect and no regard for their children, students and other responsibilities would be foolish enough to perform such an action, unless their ego is more important at the moment. I can pretty much assure you that my acquaintance is wishing he had chosen another course of action than the one he did. I know because I have been there myself!!

I do not disagree with the tactical efficiency of a surprise first strike! I argue it is not always the wisest choice!!

[Mortal1]

You make a good argument. I have been arrested for the same type of situation.
A guy started with me and I punched his face in. He had to get plastic surgery to repair the bone structure in his face. The difference was that he knew me because he was banging my girlfriend. So he decided to be a rat.

If the guy doesn't know you and you leave the seen after you hit him nothing will usually happen to you. I've seen it done a hundred times. You are talking like an arrest is a sure thing.

Also I wouldn't want to get hit and stomped out because I gave up my tactical advantage by not throwing the first punch when I knew there was no other solution.

Think about where you are and if anyone knows you before you punch someone.

[Scott R. Brown]

Hi Mortal1,

You make a good point! But there is still a risk!

I have a friend whose brother was cold ****ed coming out of a bar. He hit the ground with his head and has permanent brain damage! He sued the guy of course and won!! But I am sure he would have rather been to jail or be the one sued rather than live with brain damage the rest of his life.

No matter what we choose to do there is always a risk of unpleasant consequences!!

That is why it is best to try to avoid conflict!!

[Mortal1]

I actually like fighting and conflict. It grew on me over the years. I still avoid it. I guess the rule in my head is never back down to anybody. If it means taking them out first then so be it. If I could walk away knowing it won't provoke the agressor I will. Unfortunatly it always seems to make the mildly ****ed off tough guy smell weakness and come after you harder. Knocking him out then could be a more daunting task.

Walking away sounds good on paper but isn't always that easy.

I do appreciate your position though. I don't totally disagree.

[ReignOfTerror]

You make a good argument. I have been arrested for the same type of situation.
A guy started with me and I punched his face in. He had to get plastic surgery to repair the bone structure in his face. The difference was that he knew me because he was banging my girlfriend. So he decided to be a rat.

If the guy doesn't know you and you leave the seen after you hit him nothing will usually happen to you. I've seen it done a hundred times. You are talking like an arrest is a sure thing.

Also I wouldn't want to get hit and stomped out because I gave up my tactical advantage by not throwing the first punch when I knew there was no other solution.

Think about where you are and if anyone knows you before you punch someone.

he could still find you or the cops could based on your description or clothes you are wearing. I punched a 17 yr old kid in the cheek bone once becasue he kept staring me down everytime I saw him and one time he actually started talking **** to me and was bold with his friend around adn even called some people on the cell phone mentioning the bench I was sitting which triggered a response in me. Problem is I didnt even make him fall, all he did was stumble back a few feet. I dont know if it was jsut I hadnt had alot of trianing at the time, am weak, him being really tough or what. But I also saw a bouncer hit a guy and the guy didnt even fall either or even stumble back. And he kept following me and trying to call the cops, I coudlnt run away either casue I had to carry some bags with me.

[Scott R. Brown]

Hi Mortal1,

I certainly understand the attraction to fighting! Men like challenges and fighting is an expression of male energy. I am merely attempting to address the consequences. We all have our own values and personal limits that affect our level of tolerance to the aggressive behavior of others. If a bully is allowed to continue bullying then bullying continues.

I have been fortunate to live in relatively safe areas most of my life. I don’t have to worry about gangs in the local parks or accidentally wandering into the wrong part of town and having to fight my way out like many who live in large cities. Neither do I frequent bars or other areas where aggressive behavior by others is likely. However, I have my share of serious injuries due to aggressive behavior. I have been very lucky in that none of them have caused permanent problems for me, YET!!! Here is the list of my more serious injuries:

1) Three concussions: one I was knocked out. One concussion can cause brain damage! I consider myself lucky I have no noticeable permanent loss of mental function.
2) Dislocated hip. I am lucky I can walk and so far have no signs of osteoarthritis.
3) During one concussion I nearly broke my neck. I am lucky I can do anything!!!
4) Had my front teeth kicked so hard I couldn’t feel them for 15 mins. I am lucky I have front teeth!!
5) Kicked in the eye so hard I thought I lost it! I am lucky I have an eye!! I still have a scar underneath it.
6) Kicked or punched in the solar plexus numerous times!
7) Kicked in the testicles so many times I am lucky I can have kids!!!

All of these injuries are from training, not fights!! I didn’t include any of my non-serious injuries.

Of course when I was younger I didn’t care about the injuries or the riskiness of my actions. That is why I am not foolish enough to think anyone would necessarily listen to me just because I am urging caution. LOL!!! I didn’t listen either.

I am merely trying to bring some balance to the discussion. No one ever suffered from avoiding conflict. There are times when backing down or avoidance is not practical or possible to be sure. In these situations I doubt anyone could make a reasonable argument for not fighting to win! However, a serious injury or legal action can affect you for years or life! Embarrassment is temporary!!

Hi ROT,

I knew a guy who was clean ****ed from behind with a baseball bat and he completely trashed the guy that hit him. Individuals on Meth. feel no pain, and frequently take serious beatings without giving up! Many who lose will go get some friends and try a nice drive-by, shooting anyone in the way!!
__________________________________________________ ___________________

Avoidance does not have to send the signal of weakness to predatory people! Superior strength is demonstrated when internal calm and a centered attitude is maintained.

Predators seek the weak, not the strong. Challenging the strong endangers their status and safety because of the inherent risk of injury and of losing face! Running from a predator encourages pursuit. Avoidance is not the same thing as running away! Simply do not contend verbally or by posturing, but maintain a calm center (emotional state) while projecting a confident non-threatening presence. This sends the signal that you are not an imminent threat, but could be if necessary! While it is possible this behavior will not always dissuade fools or the mentally deficient it does scare most people because they cannot understand why you appear unaffected. They figure you must know something they don’t that allows you to have no fear. Since they don’t know what that “something” is, it causes fear!! Fear of the unknown is worse than fear of the known. The unknown allows our imaginations to make up what cannot be seen and this is worse than knowing the threat. While you are in a state of calm, their unrest increases. But at the same time, most of the time, they will no longer see you as an imminent threat. It is aggressive posturing and verbal challenges that increases the likelihood of an altercation, not calm indifference.

It is fear that motivates the wolves of society; they fein superior confidence to cover their inherent insecurity! Those who seek to dominate others are doing so from a position of weakness. They seek to dominate because they fear being dominated others. They live their lives in constant fear. Most or all have been traumatized by abuse as children and it is this child inside of them that is afraid!! They deal with this fear by dominating others before others can dominate them. They see this as protecting themselves from being hurt! (All this occurs subconsciously of course!) By taking away their immediate fear of being dominated, but maintaining a latent “threat if provoked" attitude, one may ameliorate the aggressor’s fears allowing them to find a way to retreat in a manner that allows them to save face. Since a confident, secure individual has no need to dominate another; this is relatively easy to allow to occur.

[ReignOfTerror]

well I was oplanning on running in case they tried to get the cops on me and blame the whole incident on me which they were threatening to do with his friend as witness, even though they started it. But you say not to posture, but why? Doesnt posturing show you arent afraid of them, assuming they posture or look threatening toward you first (mad dogging for instance)? Another thing is often when I felt depressed, had low motivation/testostorone, felt bad in that day, etc. is when predators or bullies bothered me the most. Its like they are wolves that smell blood (weakness) in a person, and attack.

[Scott R. Brown]

Hi ROT,

You make a good point!! I didn’t mean to imply never to posture. Certainly there are times when posturing is effective. Posturing after all is really an attempt to avoid confrontation and/or maintain face. So it was not my intention to imply never to utilize posturing. When and if to use calm indifference and when to use posturing and when to fight and when to run and when to call the police should really be determined on a case by case basis.

I am not intending to give absolutes because every circumstance is unique. Sometimes posturing escalates the situation. So it is possible to go from posturing to calm indifference to fighting all within the same circumstance. What to do and when takes practice, awareness, self-control, experience and also a bit of intuitive insight.

I didn’t mean to imply any absolute!

[Scott R. Brown]

Hi ROT continued,

Calm indifference is intended to demonstrate strength by not “needing” to posture. Posturing can send the message of the need to maintain face which is actually a weakness. A totally secure person doesn’t care how others view him and is thus unconcerned with saving face. Most individuals are able to perceive this confidence when another is projecting calm indifference. Calm indifference implies emotional balance and confidence. Emotional superiority is frequently translated as physical superiority by predators. Of course it helps if you are truly confident and really feel you have no need to prove anything. If not some may sense your façade, but some will not so it can still be a tactically sound behavior.

Posturing is inherent in men. It is instinctual and its purpose is to avoid altercations, but it may also increase the likelihood of an altercation. It depends upon the balance between the need to project dominance or save face and the need to maintain safety. It is uncertainty that most commonly causes individuals to back down. That is uncertainty of the outcome! The more certain an aggressor is he will win the more likely an altercation will ensue. The idea then is to instill doubt into his mind as to the outcome. This is what causes safety and saving face to become more desirable than fighting! If too much face is to be lost by backing down then an individual may feel they NEED to fight in order to not appear weak in front of his peers or girlfriend. So it may be necessary to assist the other person in saving face. Posturing implies your attempt to dominate him and many will not back down because it leads to a loss of face. So by not posturing you allow the person a graceful way to retreat without actually appearing to retreat. He will leave telling his friends how lucky you were to get off so easily and no one gets hurt, goes to the hospital or gets arrested.

[ReignOfTerror]

very interesting, I havent yet read everything you wrote but there was an article on agressive attackers or predators in the latest black belt magazine, where this one bar fighter is classified as generally a few times stronger than his victims and intimidates them before sucker punching them. Also if you watch mtv, and watched the real world paris and the latest challenge this guy CT always postures and intimidates other people alot smaller or weaker than him. There were also similar bullying instances in the ultimate fighter show worth discussing. I think the best idea when someone starts walkign close to you and posturing is to grab their wrists or arms and hold thems till preventing them from being able to hit you and talk to them calming them down. here is also a quote I found from another forum:
"I was picked on a lot when I was a kid because I was so small, and no I wasn't a jerk.

Once in grade school a guy was beating me up simply because I just happened to be standing there, and he was bored. He liked to beat kids up for kicks.

I put up my fist to block the blow, and accidentally broke his cheap POS necklace. He got so mad that he lifted me over his shoulders and body slammed me on a wooden gym floor about six times. Luckily no bones were broken.

Nothing was ever done to him because he was the best athlete on the football and basketball teams.

I did get a measure of revenge in an indirect way though. He thought that he could beat my brother up because he beat me up. My brother wasn't as small as I was, and he beat the bully's a*s.

Of course that same brother beat me up much more regularly than the beatings I got at school. I've got scars over a few parts of my body as proof."

[ReignOfTerror]

here is a question. How do you become a totally secure person? Lets say some guy is trying to stare you down and you caught his gaze twice and quickly turned away. how do you leave without feeling punked? Or for instance lets say you are playing a basketball game with dudes you never met before and one of them starts trash talking or another one on your team starts ordering you around and pushing you a bit to go there do that, what do you do?

also what is your opinion of verbal attacks instead of posturing to show your strengh?