I feel you, Paul. I really do.
My father passed away last week on April 16. I was going to keep it quiet, as I generally keep my personal life out of the public domain, but given Paul's thread here, I will share.
My dad had a catastrophic stroke a decade ago which left him a severe aphasiac (this I've mentioned in my book). My mom has been his caretaker all these years. Last year, he had some complications which placed him in hospice, where he has been for the last eight months.
Misery loves company, eh? I wish you and I could grab a beer or something, Paul. Just like your dad, mine was suffering at the end too, so his passing was a relief in many ways. Nevertheless, losing a parent leaves a permanent scar.
dysphagia - losing the ability to eat
That was part of the initial complications my dad suffered when he first went into hospice. It was really rough because my dad came from poor roots and consequently was always a good eater. He worked his way up, got a Masters, the first of his family to get a degree, and became a nuclear engineer. He had retired by the time of his stroke, but kept very active playing tennis and golf regularly and loved backpacking. When he became dysphagic, he would just stuff his mouth full and chew, but didn't swallow. That was one of the main reasons he was put on hospice. But he figured it out after a few weeks (and losing a lot of weight). He had a prostate issue that kept him on a catheter, and the last few months, he was wheelchair bound, but he would scoot himself around the hallways of the nursing home.
I have some business in S.F. tonight, but I'm going to grab a beer for my break at dinner and toast to our dear dads. Stay strong, old friend.